Completely Heartless

I often feel void of all emotion. This is a curse, but one that I am willing to carry in exchange for not feeling severe depression. My medication saves me from suicide, but keeps me from feeling anything pleasant or happy. I don't know if that makes sense to most people, but it is just the way I have to live my life. Today I was grateful to be able to sit in front of my computer and bawl my eyes out. I cried and cried as I looked at a picture of a small child, skin and bones, dressed in rags, eating bread crumbs from off the street. Rarely do I feel sorrow or pity or even gratitude, but for some reason, this picture brought me to my knees today. I was so glad to be able to feel something, even if it is remorse and sadness for this starving child. I don't know how to explain my feelings, I just know that today I had some.

Stupid Vagina!!

Okay, something is wrong with my vagina...AGAIN. Stupid darn thing. After a serious dose of antibiotics, 10 days of prescribed vaginal inserts (yuck) and another anti-bacterial medication, there is still something seriously wrong. And OBGYNs think they can just take time off for Christmas. My uncle Ryan is my OB, I guess I should let him spend time with his family. Or I can just ask him if he has a minute at our family party. Hmmm, awkward. Well, more awkward than usual. Guess we're just in for the long haul.

And YES, since you're reading this, I will keep you posted.

Tagging Myself

I saw Katie got tagged on her cute blog, so I decided to tag myself. (Pathetic, I know)

I am: Exhausted.
I think: The most random things.
I know: A lot more than everyone else I have ever met.
I want: A new car. A new apartment. Some "Rach time."
I have: A yeast infection (surprise, surprise)
I dislike: People being extra-friendly to strangers during Christmas time.
I miss: Ali.
I fear: Death by drowning.
I feel: Complacent.
I hear: Hello Goodbye. (They're a band)
I smell: Ammonia.
I crave: Chocolate.
I cry: Daily.
I search: Ponder and Pray. <-lie
I wonder: Why?
I regret: Chris Thompson.
I wish: I lived in Boston or NYC.
I love: Dan and Lily and Diet Cola.
I care: About people I know.
I always: Clean my house.
I worry: About Lily picking up my bad habits.
I am not: Skinny.
I remember: When I used to be.
I believe: In ghosts.
I sing: Horribly off-key.
I don't: Fake being nice to fat people.
I argue: With most everyone.
I write: via typing.
I win: Free redbox codes.
I lose: Battleship!
I listen: to the radio.
I don't understand: Why so many people are having babies.
I can usually be found: At home!
I need: Money. And 10 extra hours per day.
I forget: Everything I learned in my one semester of college.
I am happy: When I find time to not be pissed off.
I tag: Landon, cause you are so dang cute.

NEVER AGAIN

Okay, I bought myself a gallon of chocolate ice cream, with the well-intentioned logic of "I'll just have it in the freezer in case I need a pick-me-up." Now, 3 days later, it is GONE. Dan doesn't believe me that the chocolate elf came during the night and ate it. Dammit.

I guess I'm the only one with severe self-control issues. Right, ladies?!

She Bangs

Looky looky, I am so bangin'.

R*A*C*H

10 Things Rach is GREAT at:
1. Cleaning/organizing.
2. Making beds (mmmmm!)
3. [Enter Expletive Here] (Any questions, ask Dan)
4. Craftiness? I hope this can make my "great" list.
5. Finding the coolest things at D.I.
6. Keeping Lily on a schedule. (I guess that also means keeping myself on a schedule)
7. Planning! I heart planners.
8. Wasting time online. (Facebook, email, Myspace, BLOGS, free episodes, etc.)
9. Making you feel awkward...anytime, anywhere.
10. Cleaning your microwave when you're not looking.

10 Things Rach SUCKS at:
1. Showering (not news to anyone).
2. Exercising (as in "never done it").
3. Doing her hair/make-up daily.
4. Letting Dan do the dishes on his dish nights. (Lately I've felt bad b/c he has so much homework so I do them for him)
5. Using coupons/finding great deals.
6. Shopping at Walmart. (Panic attacks, Piqued anxiety, Medication.)
7. Using self-control when it comes to hunger and fast food!
8. Family gatherings.
9. Grammar. Ugh.
10. Meeting new people. Yikes~!

What Christmas is All About

We all hear the same speeches year after year about baby Jesus and Christmas. But no one, no matter how orthodox they claim to be, spends the whole month of December excited about baby Jesus!! We all have to hear the "Let's remember the true meaning of Christmas this year" speech every year, but it still doesn't make a difference.

So America, here is what Christmas is really all about:

1. Shopping - Sales, Extended hours, Credit cards, and Malls.

2. Food - Chocolate, Odd Cakes, Absolutely useless bundts, Peppermint, and Meat.

3. Ugly Sweaters - Thank goodness we all know a few people who keep this tradition alive.

4. Trees - Cut one down just to put it in your house. Awesome!

So I urge you...this year, let's forget all about baby Jesus and focus on the good stuff.

Go For It!

Please click to make larger:

Andy Samberg makes me pee in my pants

If you feel like laughing, watch this SNL clip:

I'm so sorry I don't know how to post this w/o a 15 sec. ad!