"A Satisfying Meal"

"My personal favorite blowjob story happened with a girl I hooked up with only once. I met her in some city, out at some bar, on some night-I barely even remember what she looked like (thank you, Dollar Beer Night). I am pretty sure she was engaged, but it wasn't to any of my friends, so I didn't care.

The girl did a pretty decent job sucking me off, especially considering how much I drank, and I finished in her mouth. Like a pro, she kept her lips wrapped around my dick till it was dry, but when she came up, there was a strange look on her face. She contorted her expression a little, opened her mouth like she was going to vomit, which of course made me pull back quickly, then all of a sudden:

BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRPPPPP!

The girl belched like a drunken sailor--OFF MY CUM!

Easily one of the proudest moments of my life."

There's a sample for you of the funniest book ever written, "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell," by Tucker Max.

A Million Little Pieces

I just finished reading A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, a memoir of his hitting rock bottom at age 23. A crack addict and alcoholic, he had no choice but to get his life together, and this book is about his experience doing just that.

I love the coarse language and blunt descriptions. I love the stomach-wrenching detail and pain and sorrow you can feel. I love how normal this book helps me feel.
The 400-something pages are definitely worth it!

Love Her Like a Sister

Here's to Mar...my best friend and greatest example of beauty!

Run-Ins

Is it just me, or are there retards roaming the streets of Utah?! It seems like I run into at least one a day...the bitch at daycare, the grandma driving in front of me, the man in his 50's who's giving me parenting advice...these people suck. So why are they drawn to ME in ways I cannot explain?? Maybe I am being cursed for all my years of sinning. Maybe God is just trying to teach me to be patient. (I UN-sacrilegiously laugh in God's face) But COME ON!!

Panic Attack #7,894

Today was bad. I got stuck in the snow, was sliding around everywhere, and all of a sudden, PANIC ATTACK. For me, this lovely physically-disabling curse includes shortness of breath, chest pain, massive headache, uncontrollable sobbing, vomiting, and feeling like the world is ending and I'm about to die.

SO...while a complete stranger was towing my car out of 4 ft. of snow, I was experiencing the said affects. So not only did I feel terrible, but I also got someone to believe I was a complete psycho. Awesome.

P.S.: Snow-vomit looks awesome.