Completely Heartless

I often feel void of all emotion. This is a curse, but one that I am willing to carry in exchange for not feeling severe depression. My medication saves me from suicide, but keeps me from feeling anything pleasant or happy. I don't know if that makes sense to most people, but it is just the way I have to live my life. Today I was grateful to be able to sit in front of my computer and bawl my eyes out. I cried and cried as I looked at a picture of a small child, skin and bones, dressed in rags, eating bread crumbs from off the street. Rarely do I feel sorrow or pity or even gratitude, but for some reason, this picture brought me to my knees today. I was so glad to be able to feel something, even if it is remorse and sadness for this starving child. I don't know how to explain my feelings, I just know that today I had some.

Stupid Vagina!!

Okay, something is wrong with my vagina...AGAIN. Stupid darn thing. After a serious dose of antibiotics, 10 days of prescribed vaginal inserts (yuck) and another anti-bacterial medication, there is still something seriously wrong. And OBGYNs think they can just take time off for Christmas. My uncle Ryan is my OB, I guess I should let him spend time with his family. Or I can just ask him if he has a minute at our family party. Hmmm, awkward. Well, more awkward than usual. Guess we're just in for the long haul.

And YES, since you're reading this, I will keep you posted.

Tagging Myself

I saw Katie got tagged on her cute blog, so I decided to tag myself. (Pathetic, I know)

I am: Exhausted.
I think: The most random things.
I know: A lot more than everyone else I have ever met.
I want: A new car. A new apartment. Some "Rach time."
I have: A yeast infection (surprise, surprise)
I dislike: People being extra-friendly to strangers during Christmas time.
I miss: Ali.
I fear: Death by drowning.
I feel: Complacent.
I hear: Hello Goodbye. (They're a band)
I smell: Ammonia.
I crave: Chocolate.
I cry: Daily.
I search: Ponder and Pray. <-lie
I wonder: Why?
I regret: Chris Thompson.
I wish: I lived in Boston or NYC.
I love: Dan and Lily and Diet Cola.
I care: About people I know.
I always: Clean my house.
I worry: About Lily picking up my bad habits.
I am not: Skinny.
I remember: When I used to be.
I believe: In ghosts.
I sing: Horribly off-key.
I don't: Fake being nice to fat people.
I argue: With most everyone.
I write: via typing.
I win: Free redbox codes.
I lose: Battleship!
I listen: to the radio.
I don't understand: Why so many people are having babies.
I can usually be found: At home!
I need: Money. And 10 extra hours per day.
I forget: Everything I learned in my one semester of college.
I am happy: When I find time to not be pissed off.
I tag: Landon, cause you are so dang cute.

NEVER AGAIN

Okay, I bought myself a gallon of chocolate ice cream, with the well-intentioned logic of "I'll just have it in the freezer in case I need a pick-me-up." Now, 3 days later, it is GONE. Dan doesn't believe me that the chocolate elf came during the night and ate it. Dammit.

I guess I'm the only one with severe self-control issues. Right, ladies?!

She Bangs

Looky looky, I am so bangin'.

R*A*C*H

10 Things Rach is GREAT at:
1. Cleaning/organizing.
2. Making beds (mmmmm!)
3. [Enter Expletive Here] (Any questions, ask Dan)
4. Craftiness? I hope this can make my "great" list.
5. Finding the coolest things at D.I.
6. Keeping Lily on a schedule. (I guess that also means keeping myself on a schedule)
7. Planning! I heart planners.
8. Wasting time online. (Facebook, email, Myspace, BLOGS, free episodes, etc.)
9. Making you feel awkward...anytime, anywhere.
10. Cleaning your microwave when you're not looking.

10 Things Rach SUCKS at:
1. Showering (not news to anyone).
2. Exercising (as in "never done it").
3. Doing her hair/make-up daily.
4. Letting Dan do the dishes on his dish nights. (Lately I've felt bad b/c he has so much homework so I do them for him)
5. Using coupons/finding great deals.
6. Shopping at Walmart. (Panic attacks, Piqued anxiety, Medication.)
7. Using self-control when it comes to hunger and fast food!
8. Family gatherings.
9. Grammar. Ugh.
10. Meeting new people. Yikes~!

What Christmas is All About

We all hear the same speeches year after year about baby Jesus and Christmas. But no one, no matter how orthodox they claim to be, spends the whole month of December excited about baby Jesus!! We all have to hear the "Let's remember the true meaning of Christmas this year" speech every year, but it still doesn't make a difference.

So America, here is what Christmas is really all about:

1. Shopping - Sales, Extended hours, Credit cards, and Malls.

2. Food - Chocolate, Odd Cakes, Absolutely useless bundts, Peppermint, and Meat.

3. Ugly Sweaters - Thank goodness we all know a few people who keep this tradition alive.

4. Trees - Cut one down just to put it in your house. Awesome!

So I urge you...this year, let's forget all about baby Jesus and focus on the good stuff.

Go For It!

Please click to make larger:

Andy Samberg makes me pee in my pants

If you feel like laughing, watch this SNL clip:

I'm so sorry I don't know how to post this w/o a 15 sec. ad!

Hey, Lazy.

I want you to answer this question in your mind. Don't say anything out loud.

Q: When was the last time you wiped/cleaned/disinfected your doorknobs and light switches?

Okay, that's what I'm talking about. DO IT. Think of all the people and kids and guests that come over and touch your doorknobs and turn on/off the lights. Nasty. Take 2 minutes out of your obviously important and busy day (blog reader) anid DO IT!

Even Slackers Can Be Domestic

Here is a recipe for a yummy (and oh-so-easy) cheesecake:

1/2 c. sugar
8 oz. cream cheese
8 oz. cool whip
1 graham cracker crust
fruit of your choice

Combine ingredients and mix with beaters. Spoon into crust and refrigerate for at least 2 hours. Top with fresh fruit.

P.S.
Dari: I took your suggestion and made a pin out of a scrappy flower. Thanks, everyone complimented me on it!

Damn You, Proposition 8!

Okay, everyone is taking a moment to blog seriously about Prop 8, so I would like to take time out of my day to do just the opposite.

Last night Dan and JP went to the gas station to get treats, and TWICE they were asked the question, "Are you together?" The first time they laughed and said no, but the second time Dan said, "We would be if Utah would pass prop 8!!"


So why doesn't everyone just pull the sticks out of their recently-become political asses and hug a homo.

Oh, and if you're still wondering if Dan and JP are really gay, take a look at the photo below and decide for yourself.

Disgusting Confession

Okay, here it is. While I'm on my period, (which is much heavier since baby-birthing) I don't change my sheets until it's OVER, which means that I sleep in blood stains for 5-9 days each month. Disgusting, I know. But I do not have the energy or the motivation to change my sheets just because I leaked a little the night before. So if there are a few drops of blood, I leave them until my period is over. Sick. You can start judging me now.

Barack

I am so excited for our new president. It is about time we start taking care of our own people.

Ewwww

Yesterday I finally went to the OB, who so generously proceeded to strap my feet in stirrups and scrape my "inner area." With careful observation under a microscope, he discovered that I not only have one type of infection, no. I have TWO. The best part is that I have had them for over a year.

So lucky me, I get to insert cream into my sacred grove every night with an applicator. But after 7 days, the itching, redness, irritation, foul odor, abnormal discharge, blood clots should be gone. Hooray!!

Pandora

I LOVE Pandora! I am totally addicted to it! I turn it on first thing when I wake up and listen to it all day.

Go to www.pandora.com and type in the name of one of your favorite artists. Pandora will then create a radio station specifically for you and you can choose what songs you hear. They will pick some for you, and you can say thumbs up or thumbs down.

I think you have to create an account, but it doesn't cost any money. I listen to a "Rilo Kiley Radio." It's awesome!

The Story of my Wedding Dress

Last night while talking to some friends, I discovered that every girl has a story about her wedding dress. What she wanted, how she found it, etc. So here's my story:

I was about 4 months pregnant and SO SICK and Ali and I went to Decades in SLC. (It is a really awesome vintage clothing store.) We got Jamba Juice on our way there, and I remember pulling over to the side of the road and throwing up green Jamba into the snow.

Once we got there, we took our time looking around. Not surprisingly, I got really sick again. And this time, the only place to throw up into was a hat from the 40's. After taking care of the situation, I had the energy to try on a few dresses.

Then I found it. The perfect dress. It was from the 50's, lace, with a thin pink bow and an empire waist (perfect for a pudgy belly). I love this dress soooo much! I wish I had a better picture of it full-length, but these were the best I could find. Oh yeah...the dress only cost $21!! I think I'd win any cheapest-wedding-dress-ever contest.

Rachel...now appearing as the infamous "Anxiety Girl"

Thank You, God, For IKEA

Dear God,
Thanks much for the following:

- IKEA
- D.I.
- Anti-bacterial hand sanitizer
- Cardigans
- Inexpensive jeans
- The Internet
- Flamingos
- Drive-Thrus
- Photoshop
- Anti-Depressants
- Diet Soda
- Brad Pitt Movies
- UGG Boots
- Excedrin Migraine

With everything else going so shittily, thanks for thinking of us and helping us out a little bit.

Love/Hate

I have a love/hate relationship with my Primary class. By this I mean that I hate them a lot and love them a little. Unfortunately for my hatred, they sometimes do the funniest things that make me smile.

On Sunday, one 9 yr-old boy said, "Today my mom told me that someday I would grow up and get married. I told her someday she would grow up and die."

Another Sunday he said, "If I were going to kill someone, I would kill a homeless guy, because then no one would ever know he was gone."

How do these kids come up with these things?! It keeps me going. Until next Sunday, when I hate my life all over again.

The Toxic Avenger

If you're in the mood to laugh at a pretty sweet 80's movie, watch The Toxic Avenger. We found it last night at hulu.com and laughed the whole time!!

The Cure

No more razor burn/ingrown hairs on your downstairs!! I'm serious! The secret is Neosporin. Right after you get out of the shower, rub neosporin on the freshly shaved area and just let it sink into your skin. I love it!!

No More Sleeping Pills!

Hooray for alternative medicine! Actually, I've just found a new secret for falling asleep. It's called "Reading." I've been working on the same book for months, because I get delirious and drowsy after just one chapter!

5 Secrets to a Happy Marriage

1. Don't clip your toenails in bed.
2. Have lots of sex.
3. Go on dates.
4. Don't have any kids.
5. Make lots of money.

Serious Shower Issues

I'm a clean freak. This, people know. On the other hand, I have a deep dark secret. I HATE SHOWERING. I only do it for the general public. If I showered for myself, I would probably do it once a week. IT's HORRIBLE!! I dread it! Maybe it's because it takes an hour to shower, shave, blowdry, makeup, etc. I absolutely hate doing it and I put it off as long as odorly possible.



So SCREW YOU, girls who shower every day and are always looking great. Here's to ponytails and extra deodorant!

What a Night!

Last night was torturous. I'm serious. It was worse than torture in a dungeon by a bunch of sweaty Korean men who want to rape you. Lily was awake. All night. And wanted to play. Kill me already, just do it. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and ran around crazy, tearing apart everything in her room while I laid on the couch. Let's just say that I'll get her back someday...maybe by embarrassing her in front of her friends when she's in high school. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

Too Cool To Vote

I am not political. Not for a second. I have my fair share of opinions though, and that is enough for me. But check out these pins I found:

My Apartment is Crappy

Dan and I are poor. Hopefully this isn't news to anyone. So we save hundreds every month by living in a garbage can/mexican neighborhood/nasty/but oh-so-cheap apartment. Someday we will look back and laugh. If you care to join us, here's what we're laughing about:

1. Vent in ceiling about to fall on a lucky random person.



2. Delightful bathroom, last updated in 19OLD.



3. Kitchen cabinets have their own unique markings.



4. Linoleum? Yes, please.



5. Baseboards with character.



6. Brown carpet! But it doesn't end there...our landlord was kind enough to throw in cigarette burns and dog pee stains.



7. Last but not least, our awesome light fixtures. Nothing but the best.

Sausage Party: You're Invited

What are YOU doing today?!

If your house is dirty...eww. CLEAN IT.

Angelina Breastfeeding

So...I'm not sure what I think, but MAYBE (just maybe) Brad & Angie are going way overboard on this whole family-publicity thing. Here is Angelina on the cover of W Magazine breastfeeding. This picture was snapped by Bradley himself. As much as I love them slash want to be like them slash worship them, maybe they need a little privacy. Just for a little while. Then they can come back out and play.

I heart antiquing.

If I could, I would spend all day, every day at antique stores and thrift shops. (Right now, I much prefer thrifting because it is so much cheaper.) There are so many goodies you can find! I have decorated my whole house, found delicious clothes, and one-of-a-kind pieces. I love it!

Self Explainatory

Step 1: Admit your Addiction

I just started a 12-step program to help me end (or slow down) my addiction to blogging. I know this may come as a complete shock, but I spend several hours a day on my butt in front of my computer. Pathetic.

I love to look at the latest posts of my friends, family, and even complete strangers. Is that weird? Maybe. But then why do you do it too?! It's okay, I guess it's all a part of my severe blogging addiction. I was lucky enough to find a picture of my future-self blogging:


Rach Blog 2025. Apparently my bad blogging habit also led to drinking, anorexia, and smoking.

Who knows, maybe after I start my "real life" I could even pick up some GOOD habits like exercising, eating healthy, or serving my neighbors. Probably not, but I'm just throwing it out there.

Story of my Life