Secret Confessions

I am pissed. I don't know what's wrong with me, why I feel like crap, and why I sleep 14 out of 24 hours. I can't live like this! I am sick of these extra pounds that I drag around with me every day. I am pissed that I can't get myself to do anything about it. I've had several horrid experiences regarding said fat, but those slaps in the face still weren't enough. I'm sick of feeling tired and lazy. I'm sick of migraines. I'm sick of feeling sick. I'm sick of never being able to get everything done that I need/want to. I am sick of my parents, who suck big time. I am sick of feeling dread/guilt/severe anxiety/lack of oxygen every time my phone rings. I am sick of having anxiety over stupid things like answering the phone and going grocery shopping. I am sick of girls who pretend to be my friend, but don't listen to a word I say. (And I am so grateful to the 2 of you that actually do, MH & AP). I am sick of hearing people rave about their testimonies, when they have no idea what they're even talking about. I am sick of feeling guilty for leaving the church. I am sick of showering, but that's nothing new. I am sick of the gloomy weather. I am sick of being so poor that we'll go days without groceries until pay day...mostly because then we have to eat chili and boxed food. I feel like I always complain all the time, (Dan knows) but I feel like I would explode if I didn't.
I think I feel better now.
At least enough to sleep.
The greatest things I have are Dan and Lily, and I am so grateful for them--my two best friends.

Girls

I am in no way, shape or form a lesbian (except for that one time) but I love this song. It's called "Girls" by Eleni Mandell. I could listen to it on repeat all day!

I Hate Not Knowing

This week:
- 2 Dr's appts
- 5 vials of blood drawn for CBC count (RBC and WBC)
- Thyroid test-blood work
- Glucose Intolerance test-2 hours + blood work
- Hypoglycemia test-6 hours + blood work
- Lowering Effexor XR dose to 150mg
- Keeping a journal of sleeping/eating/moods
- No caffeine

No Sir, Not for Me

You should all stop going to church, because having 3 hours today all to myself was AWESOME! I skipped the shower, cleaned the house, all while prancing around in my panties and watching a movie. Aaaaaahh, that's the life.

Please Explain This To Me:

Why the fuck does everyone think it's okay to give other people's kids candy?? Seriously, what the fuck!?! This doesn't make any sense to me. Do people just assume that all little kids live for sugar? Do they assume no kids have allergies? Do people even stop to ask the kid's MOM if it's okay? No. They pull out a piece of candy and say, "Look what I have for you...CANDY!" Now the kid has heard it, seen it, wants it, and I am now the bad guy for saying no. People are shocked, think I'm strict or mean. Well FUCK YOU. I'm sorry that I care if Lily is handed candy left and right. It's not halloween bitches, so stop it already. Use your brain a little and first, ask me in a discreet manner. Actually, forget that. Just shut up and mind your own fucking business and leave little kids alone.

Don't tell Anyone.

Last night I went to see Avatar...

...and I liked it.